She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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