fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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