super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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