new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
