My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
