It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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