i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
