you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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