I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
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There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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