just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
