are you still at the devil's house?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
