there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
