There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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