Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
