Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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