alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
