I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
