sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize