I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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