I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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