you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you never un-have a 4some
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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