I'd wear matching sweaters with you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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