Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
