i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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