There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
