I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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