This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Randomize
