Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
