i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize