I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
