I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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