Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
