I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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