if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
