I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i love accidental penises.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
