thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
