Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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