I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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