I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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