literally had 100 drinks last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
