Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we're so committed to being not committed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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