I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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