Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
