made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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