Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
