don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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