Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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