You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
