I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize