I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You made out with two different species that night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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