Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
