apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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