nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
