Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
