the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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