i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the raccoons are back...
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