i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
