listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
