my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
