Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
