I have demons in me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
