Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
