I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
