it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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